High-Five

Richard Thorne of Kimberly Clark’s Professional division is giving Sheryl Crow something to think about. Instead of her recommended 2-sheet minimum, how about five?

This new electronic toilet paper dispenser automatically dispenses five sheets at a time and runs on (4) D-sized batteries. The device will retail for $30 (plastic) or you can upgrade to stainless steel for a mere $55.

It’s not completely automated and features an emergency feed button should the need arise. And there is also the “rescue roll” featured on the side if you’re simply old fashion and want to use toilet paper the way God intended.

Sean Nichols, a marketer for this device, is already shipping the unit to late-night comedians for more exposure hoping to generate buzz to improve sales in this 1 billion “…away from home toilet paper market.”

I wonder who will feature it first on their late-night talk show? I’m guessing Conan O’Brien.

NASA drops $19m on Russian toilets for American asstronauts

I just read the following story by Joshua Topolsky posted on July 6th from Engadget:

So apparently NASA has agreed to purchase toilet technology from the Russian company RSC Energia for the tidy sum of $19 million, to be delivered to the ISS in 2008 in preparation for a crew up sizing from three to six members. The previous system required that urine tanks be transferred to cargo ships and burned up in the Earth’s atmosphere, but the new toilets operate like a waste treatment center on Earth, collecting and reconstituting urine as drinking water — an unpleasant concept for a number of our readers, but a welcome relief for thirsty astronauts. The toilets are similar to normal models, though they employ leg restraints and thigh bars to hold the “user” in place, and high-powered fans to suck, um… waste into the commode. The system will be installed on the American side of the station, while the Russian-side will remain as is, resulting in extremely long lines to use the “good” bathroom.

Toilet Paper for ‘Rrhoids

Tento has created a toilet-paper solution to hemorrhoids called Hemo-Roll.

If you use this special toilet-paper long enough, the company claims it could help prevent hemorrhoids.

According to the company’s website:

Toilet paper Hemo-Roll is 3 plies hygienic product. The coloured side of a piece of Hemo-Roll tissue paper contains a herb micro-layer of an extract from oak bark, marigold and common yarrow, with easeful effects on rectum.

I am always looking for thoughtful yet clever gifts to give to friends. I’m putting the Hemo-Roll on my list of things to give my newly pregnant friends. However, I’m not able to find it anywhere to buy it in the United States. But should I take a trip to Slovakia, I know what I’m bring back as a souvenir.

The Handler

The Handler is an inexpensive little device that does your dirty work for you.Don’t want to touch the handle on a toilet to flush? Get skeeved out opening doors with your bare hands or pressing buttons on a very public ATM machine?

The Handler is made of rubber and plastic and infused with “nano silver particles which effectively kills 98% of all single-celled organisms (bacteria, viruses and fungi) on contact.” To activate it, you click on button and that nice little hook (pictured) deploys to save you from other’s nastiness. It’s even strong enough to open heavy doors.It was available on Amazon.com for $10.95, but presently it’s unavailable. But you can still get one for $11 by visiting Uncrate.

Keep this little device in mind for Christmas 2007. It would make a great stocking stuffer and I can think of at least five people on my shopping list who would love it.

Toto Recall

Dare I warn, “You’re not in Kansas anymore.” Lame, I know, but nonetheless a perfect introduction to a Toto pimped-out toilet recall.

Their Z-series toilet featuring a bidet attachment has recently been recalled due to a wiring problem that caused three toilets to catch fire and twenty-six others to have smoke pouring out the back of their units. Toto recalled 180,000 of these toilets and rest assured I didn’t receive notice because I’m not fortunate enough to have one.

In fact, the closest I’ve come to having any luxurious amenities in my bathroom is the little plastic tub of personal hygiene pads on the shelf above my toilet.

Still, this recent recall wouldn’t deter me from ever having one of these high-tech toilets. If fire and smoke is the price I have to pay for a little extra splash of water after I’m done doing my business then sign me up. I want one of these toilets regardless of the hazard of catching on fire while on the potty. I live life on the edge anyway.

Inax’s Satis Asteo Washlet Toilet

Toilets are getting so geeked out these days and I completely love it.

This toilet from Japan’s Inax has many advanced desirable features:

An SD card that contains pre-loaded music from Bach, Chopin and Mendelsohn. (Or you can insert your own SD card to listen to your personally selected music.) The toilet has a built-in sensor that begins to play music as you approach your porcelain throne. I wonder if it has a volume-control button to crank up the tunes to mask your potential not so personal sounds?

It has a smooth design exterior that makes for easy cleaning. No more hidden places in and around the toilet that are havens for vomit-splashes and other grimy residue.

This high-tech toilet has another sensor that can determine if you’re going to need to seat up or down and when you’re done doing your business, it defaults to putting the toilet seat in the down position. This should save all those future marital tiffs over seat position preference, huh?

And finally it has a built-in night light in the bowl for when you get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. But as one reviewer said, you may not want this feature if you’re tossing your cookies from a night of partying.

Presently this toilet is only available in Japan. But if you’d like to learn more, you can visit the Google-translated corporate website here.

TPER

TPER would very much upset the environmentalists-especially Sheryl Crow’s assertion that we can all get by with one square and none to spare. I came across this little device that appears homemade and is marketable to disabled people who might have trouble ripping off toilet paper from the roll.

How many other mindless activities do we perform throughout the day that we ‘abled’ people take for granted? I think this is a great device, but my only concern is it should have a tolerance level setting so you can cut down on the number of squares it dispenses because it really does seem to provide an excessive amount of toilet paper in (ahem) one sitting.