March Madness

There’s a TON of things happening right now in my world related to my girl crush Justin Timberlake.
First he joined Instagram in early February. His first picture was of a shot of the non-existent traffic on the 101 in LA on his way to perform at The Grammy’s.
On February 27th I nearly lost my mind because I couldn’t pull the trigger on buying super expensive presale tickets to see his tour when it comes to Boston at Fenway Park in August.  At first I got all excited because Ticketmaster returned results that I had scored tickets, but then my brain kicked in and registered the price was $255/ticket and I simply couldn’t justify it.  (Get it? Justify. OK.  We’re cool. You got it.)  I kept refreshing the screen, tossing those PC cookies and hoping the results would be different, but in the end I even passed on the lesser tickets priced at $134.50/ticket because I wasn’t exactly clear where I’d be parking my ass in Fenway during the performance.
On February 28th, the official sale kicked off at 10 am and I tried again. (I was at work and actually delayed a meeting so I could give it another shot) I got 2 tickets for $134.50 in Section 29.  Ticketmaster threw me into that 15 minutes of suspended time of temporarily holding my tickets and I feverishly tried to locate where I’d be sitting in the park. I Google’d a couple sites where people post pictures from their seats so I could see the view and I still couldn’t do it.  I actually got up and asked my co-worker Brian to swing by and validate if my seats were any good.  He was in mid-nod and I was just about to buy the tickets when Michelle triumphantly leaped into my cube to exclaim, “Happy Birthday. I just bought us tickets.”  At least, I think that’s what she said.  It’s still sort of hazy.  I think non-exercise related endorphin kicked into my blood stream because I just remember feeling this moment of sheer joy and happiness.  She ended up scoring tickets in Section 26 and later told me she knew I wasn’t going to buy them because I was so upset over the cost.
Oh, Justin.  You’re such a tease.
Sometimes you just need a friend to put her arm around you and drag your sorry indecisive ass over the fence.  I was so glad she did because now we’re going to see Justin Timberlake and the great Hova. 
Things are progressing nicely in the Land of Crush. Tonight he’s hosting Saturday Night Live for the 5th time and then next Monday through Friday he’s going to be on Jimmy Fallon every single night as the exclusive musical guest.  The best thing about this is I watch Fallon anyways and I was thinking that at least he’ll be visiting the show to promote his CD.  But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine he’d be such an unprecedented guest for five consecutive nights.
I’m on vacation the week of March 17th which is perfect because Justin’s CD titled The 20/20 Experience is being released on March 19th.  I’ll probably be at Target when it opens so I can get the CD with the two exclusive tracks on Tuesday.  Yes, people, this is how I’m spending my vacation.
So with all this excitement going on in the real world, there’s still a ton of busy buzz happening online.  Blogs are exploding with all this information because like me, people are just losing their shit that he’s back to singing.  Only recently I read a blog where this girl was just so incredibly pissed off about his straightened hair.  She insisted he was using a relaxer to tame his trademark N’Sync curls and didn’t have any love for his Rat Pack coiffed hair one bit. I like reading stuff like this because it reminds me that I’m not the only person there that feels so disproportional about Justin Timberlake . These like-minded freaks give me perspective.  
Yesterday I read a really funny post that I had to share with you.  It’s from the blog BuzzFeed and it’s called The 32 Greatest Justin Timberlake Dance Moves of All Time.   They gathered 32 GIF’s of him dancing and then created names for his dance moves to go along with the images.  It’s perfectly hilarious. 
Here are just some of my favorites:
  • The Look I’m In A Puddle Twirl 
  • The Pow Pow Shimmy 
  • The Don’t Look Now but Madonna Is Behind You Twist
  • The Michael Jackson Crotch Thrust
  • And the Full On Penis Quake
  • The Beyonce Body Sway
  • The Full On Shirt Twirl
  • The Timberlake Tornado
  • The Sass Monster Shoulder Twirl
  • The Ultimate Pelvic Plunge
My favorite: The Pow Pow Shimmy

The Timberlake Tornado
Forget the Shamrock Shake coming back for a limited-time only at McDonald’s.  March is shaping up to be the best month ever.
Dedicated fans waiting to get inside 30 Rock

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Suit & Tie Lyric Video Review

Now THIS is the way to tease your fans right. 5:27 minutes of pure sexy bliss.

It seems like the new catchy thing to do these days is for an artist to release a lyric video in advance of the official music video for a song. It’s like a movie preview only with the words to the song.  Mostly the lyric videos I’ve watched are like those annoying PowerPoint presentations laden with overly-used animation trickery to keep the audience engaged in a very boring presentation.

Thankfully Justin Timberlake decided not to make a half-assed lyric video for his newly released song Suit & Tie.  Rather my own little Mr. Sexyback put some effort into his officially sanctioned lyric video. It’s so good that it should just be the music video.

I’ve watched it a couple of times now on YouTube and here’s my blow by blow:

It starts out with Justin driving around Los Angeles in a classic car wearing a Fedora. (I think it’s a rule that guys can’t drive a car from the 1960’s without wearing head gear, but it’s OK because this man can wear the hell out of a hat.) Justin strums his fingers on the steering wheel and is probably pissing off everybody driving behind him ’cause it doesn’t look like he’s going more than 20 mph. Then it’s all about a shave, hair cut and getting dressed up in his suit & tie.  He brushes some presumable dirt off his shoulder with one of those valet brushes and I can’t help thinking it’s his sly salute to Jay-Z.

The scene shifts to him sitting at a piano smoking a cigarette and tickling the ivy while occasionally standing up to sing into a microphone.  He’s finger snapping to sultry Timbaland beats while sporting those sexy nerd glasses and all I can focus on is his wedding band. Oh, right.  He’s married now.  Damn.  And just to rub salt in my wounds, there’s a brief interlude of him standing with a woman in a satin dress saying something to him to make him laugh & smile as she possessively adjusts his bow tie. Enough Justin.  I get it.  You’re taken.

This is a film-noir black & white lyric video, but the only splash of color comes from a glass of scotch Justin is holding as he says, “Get out your seat Hov.”  Then Jay-Z is rapping about make-up sex,Tom Ford Tuxedos, Ass Tight denim, Las Vegas and being an excellent son-in-law.  (Granted, that last thing is a guess on my part.)

The night is nearing the end as Justin does sexy bad boy things like smoke cigars, drink martinis and gamble. Phew!  He’s getting tired because he starts to lean on stuff like his microphone and then his car. He even does this cute little ankle dance before he gets into the car and starts driving off into the night.

But there’s just one more brilliant thing he does before his official lyric video for Suit & Tie closes.

He’s standing there watching you read what he’s written on a piece of glass with a black Sharpie: The 20/20 Experience Coming

And then WHAM!  He smashes through the words with a freaking hammer and starts walking away as the shards of glass shatter and begin falling down.

The End.

Does anyone have a cigarette?