Turkey? You’re Suspect

Pizza

“If a meat isn’t offered as a pizza topping, you know it’s suspect.”

~ Spencer 11/22/07 Thanksgiving Day

Spencer remarked today that I’m not a big fan of the turkey. He’s got that right. I can enjoy a nice turkey and mayo sandwich for lunch, but that’s the extent of my turkey consumption. I just don’t like turkey. But isn’t it funny that throughout the year there are countless decisions made about eating something with chicken, but never with turkey?

All of a sudden November rolls around and everyone is talking about turkey. My friend Jillian at work has got this Thanksgiving holiday nailed. She and her sister enjoy their tradition of wearing sweat pants and getting drunk while hacking at their turkey with forks and hands because they don’t exactly know how to properly carve a turkey. (Jillian is English and sometimes I think the notion of her refined heritage bothers the hell out of her).

We went out to dinner today at The Crown Plaza in downtown Worcester and as usual, I passed on the turkey. You won’t be hearing me lament about all the leftovers in my fridge after today because I left the buffet happy not to bring the foul meat into my home.

I think I don’t like turkey because it’s the only meat I’ve ever eaten that has the ability to crumble upon slicing. Little flakes of meat sticking to the carving knife grosses me out. I don’t know why. It just does.

Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of buzz about Turducken. Something about a duck stuffed into a chicken and then put into a turkey. This poultry hybrid offers hope because at least there is chicken involved. And I just like the sound of it. Tur-Duck-En. Don’t even get me started on Tofukey. I saw Tofukey in a health food store yesterday in a sausage-like format and I just can’t go there.

Really the only good thing about turkey is my favorite insult circa early 70’s: Jive Turkey. I don’t use it enough to insult annoying people as in, ‘You Jive Turkey!” Randall Graves would be proud. I’m taking back Jive Turkey.

Happy Turkey Day…You Jive Turkeys!

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One thought on “Turkey? You’re Suspect

  1. I don’t cook turkey for Thanksgiving. Instead I buy a Perdue Oven Stuffer Roaster and cook that. It is more reasonable to deal with than a huge turkey, and I like the taste much better as well.

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